Jan 19

Braving the Wilderness with Brene Brown: Quotes

The following are selected quotes from Brené Brown‘s 2017 bestseller, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone:

True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.

Joseph Campbell wrote, “If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.”

It’s helpful to keep in mind Alberto Brandolini’s Bullshit Asymmetry Principle or what’s sometimes known as Brandolini’s law: “The amount of energy needed to refute bullshit is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it.”

People often silence themselves, or “agree to disagree” without fully exploring the actual nature of the disagreement, for the sake of protecting a relationship and maintaining connection. But when we avoid certain conversations, and never fully learn how the other person feels about all of the issues, we sometimes end up making assumptions that not only perpetuate but deepen misunderstandings, and that can generate resentment.

Pain is unrelenting. It will get our attention. Despite our attempts to drown it in addiction, to physically beat it out of one another, to suffocate it with success and material trappings, or to strangle it with our hate, pain will find a way to make itself known.

Research shows that playing cards once a week or meeting friends every Wednesday night at Starbucks adds as many years to our lives as taking beta blockers or quitting a pack-a-day smoking habit.

Even in the context of suffering—poverty, violence, human rights violations—not belonging in our families is still one of the most dangerous hurts. That’s because it has the power to break our heart, our spirit, and our sense of self-worth…And when those things break, there are only three outcomes, something I’ve borne witness to in my life and in my work: 1. You live in constant pain and seek relief by numbing it and/or inflicting it on others; 2. You deny your pain, and your denial ensures that you pass it on to those around you and down to your children; or 3. You find the courage to own the pain and develop a level of empathy and compassion for yourself and others that allows you to spot hurt in the world in a unique way.

The special courage it takes to experience true belonging is not just about braving the wilderness, it’s about becoming the wilderness. It’s about breaking down the walls, abandoning our ideological bunkers and living from our wild heart rather than our weary hurt. We’re going to need to intentionally be with people who are different from us. We’re going to have to sign up, join and take a seat at the table. We’re going to have to learn how to listen, have hard conversations, look for joy, share pain and be more curious than defensive, all while seeking moments of togetherness.

Sep 27

New Books of Interest in Brief: September 2017

New books of interest, in brief, from this month:

I. Marriage has never been harder — or happier, argues new book. Heidi Stevens, Chicago Tribune

Eli J. Finkel writes about “how marriages moved from pragmatic institutions to partnerships based on love and sentimentality” in The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work.

II. Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation? Jean M. Twenge, The Atlantic

Jean M. Twenge has authored one of the longest-titled books of recent note: iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy–and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood–and What That Means for the Rest of Us. Take this and the above-cited article’s subtitle—More comfortable online than out partying, post-Millennials are safer, physically, than adolescents have ever been. But they’re on the brink of a mental-health crisis—and you’ll already know the gist of her message.

III. The Most Important Emotional Intelligence Quote You’ll Hear Today. Damon Brown, Inc.

Brené Brown‘s newest book, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone, tells readers one way Oprah Winfrey has made an impact on her. “Her advice is tacked to the wall in my study: ‘Do not think you can be brave with your life and your work and never disappoint anyone. It doesn’t work that way’.”

Not taken from the above article, a statement by Brown in Braving the Wilderness that’s also bound to become highly quotable: “True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are. It requires us to be who we are.”

IV. This Stanford Professor Has a Theory on Why 2017 Is Filled With Jerks. Jessica Pressler, New York Magazine

Robert Sutton was behind the popular 2007 book The No Asshole Rule and now gives us The Asshole Survival GuideHow to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt. According to Sutton, the problem of ‘disrespectful, demeaning, and downright mean-spirited behavior’ is ‘worse than ever’.”

V. THE EXPERT WHO HELPED WRITE THE MENTAL DISORDERS MANUAL EXPLAINS WHY TRUMP DOESN’T HAVE ONE: Trump’s narcissism has served him well. Angela Chen, The Verge

Allen Frances‘s Twilight of American Sanity: A Psychiatrist Analyzes the Age of Trump presents his ongoing position that Trump doesn’t necessarily have a mental disorder. As he recently stated in an interview with Chen:

Trump causes enormous distress to others, but his behavior doesn’t bother himself. In fact, he gets rewarded for them, he’s not necessarily out of sync with larger society. He’s always terrific at feathering his own nest and he’s been rewarded for his world-class narcissism rather than being punished for it. Having the symptoms themselves does not constitute a mental disorder. In order to qualify as a mental disorder, the individual would have to have distress related to them.

Maybe it’s society itself that has the disorder, states Frances. From Twilight of American Sanity:

What does it say about us, that we elected someone so manifestly unfit and unprepared to determine mankind’s future? Trump is a symptom of a world in distress, not its sole cause. Blaming him for all our troubles misses the deeper, underlying societal sickness that made possible his unlikely ascent. Calling Trump crazy allows us to avoid confronting the craziness in our society—if we want to get sane, we must first gain insight about ourselves. Simply put: Trump isn’t crazy, but our society is.

Marcia Angell, MD: “In this wide-ranging and enlightening book, Allen Frances, one of America’s most distinguished psychiatrists, shows how most of the current problems facing the United States — from denial of climate change to grotesque inequality—arise from mass delusions similar to the delusions of psychiatric patients. Twilight of American Sanity leaves no topic untouched. Readers might disagree with some of his conclusions, but they will always find them provocative and well argued.”