“Anxious in Love”: How to Improve Your Connection

Psychologists Carolyn Daitch, Ph.D. and Lissah Lorberbaum, MA, the authors of Anxious in Love: How to Manage Your Anxiety, Reduce Conflict, and Reconnect with Your Partner, address how your anxiety can create disconnection in your intimate relationships.

From the book description:

Healthy relationships require trust, intimacy, effective communication, and understanding. However, if you suffer from chronic anxiety you may have trouble dealing with everyday conflicts and tensions that can arise in relationships. No matter how committed you are, anxiety can leave you feeling distanced from your partner. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to overcome the anxiety-fueled reactions that keep you from achieving true closeness in your relationship.

Publishers Weekly assesses the book’s contents:

First, the authors attempt to help readers understand their reactions through helpful self-assessment quizzes, then offer corresponding exercises to reduce anxiety. Next, the authors offer ways to understand what each partner can do to prevent or reduce anxiety and increase compassion. For example, to one partner a flooded kitchen is an inconvenience, but to the partner with OCD, it’s an incomprehensible challenge. While there’s plenty of therapy-speak in the book (validating your partner, practicing ‘attunement’), the authors provide realistic and empathetic approaches, and easy-to-follow advice for anxiety-laden individuals and their partners. Daitch and Lorberbaum emphasize that ‘practice makes permanent,’ and couples willing to make such a commitment will benefit from this book.

Selected Reviews of Anxious in Love

Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.: “Anxiety is, without doubt, the greatest enemy faced by couples, and its regulation is the most challenging and important achievement in marital happiness. The authors describe this crucial dilemma with deep and profound clarity and its resolution in clear instructions and exercises…As the authors say, practice leads to permanence.”

Robert B. McNeilly, MBBS, CET: “There is a wide range of specific exercises for readers to try, so they can find what works best to reduce the overall anxiety level, recognize emotional and physical triggering experiences so the anxious reaction can be prevented, and perhaps most importantly, to learn to be calm, not merely avoiding the anxiety.”

Claire Frederick, MD: “Above all, therapists should not overlook the great advantage of prescribing Anxious in Love as a workbook for patients to use in tandem with ongoing psychotherapy. Its use will help patients get more out of their therapy by promoting self-awareness and self-reliance, as well as expanding self-care for stabilization, boundary development, and affect management.”

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