The lyrics are lovely, emotional, and memorable. Reportedly, the story behind the song “Fix You” is that Chris Martin of Coldplay wanted to fix his then-wife Gwyneth Paltrow‘s grief over the death of her father.
Did he achieve this? Unlikely, because it’s just not possible to fix another human being.
Side note: Some may believe this is what therapists do, but it doesn’t really work that way. Remember the most classic of the therapist light bulb jokes? (The first one at this link.)
At any rate, and before I address this topic further, here’s an excerpt from the lyrics as well as examples of live performances of “Fix You” by three different artists:
I. Coldplay Performance in São Paulo:
II. Sam Smith
III. Kelly Clarkson (no visuals)
Now, to the root of the matter. Therapist Julia Schwab on her own website aptly states, “Research suggests that while the initial impact of fixer tendencies can be positive, over time the relationship may suffer.”
Additional passages from Schwab on fixers and fixing:
A fixer personality is characterized by a keen sense of responsibility to address the issues of others, often prioritizing these over their own needs.
Fixers often feel a compulsive need to help, driven by a fear of inadequacy and a self-perception that equates their worth with their ability to solve problems. The line between being helpful and compulsively fixing others’ issues is defined by boundaries. Helpful behavior supports others without overstepping, whereas compulsive fixing disregards healthy boundaries, often leading to an imbalanced dynamic in relationships.
The ripple effects of fixing include emotional dependency and codependency, stifled personal growth for both parties, communication breakdowns, and disempowerment.
Erin Leonard, PhD, offers solid advice regarding ways to stop being a fixer (Psychology Today). Stated succinctly, “Instead of trying to help, it may be more effective to try and understand. When a loved one feels truly understood, they usually feel less alone, not so ‘crazy’ because someone else has felt the feeling too, and connected to you because you get it. Closeness and empathy may be all that they need.”
Click on the article link for additional details.
