“Hijackals”: Political and Personal

If you believe your country is currently led by a president who lied and bullied his way into the position just to turn around and push hurtful policies he’d claimed he wouldn’t—hurtful, in all likelihood, the most to his supporters—your country has been hijacked. If you’re in a personal relationship with someone who presented a healthy but false self while courting but then showed his/her truer abusive self once you made a commitment, you have been hijacked. By hijackals. (See below.)

Here are the top three current Google search results for “country hijacked by Trump”:

As you can see from these various points of view, potentially no one in the U.S. is immune to feeling victimized by 45.

Of relevance on a smaller, more personal scale is a newly learned term for the similarly offending partner in your intimate relationship: a “hijackal.” As coined by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, “The Relationship Help Doctor,” hijackals are “people who hijack relationships, for their own purposes, while relentlessly scavenging them for power, status, and control.”

On the same web page, by the way, you can order Shaler’s free e-book called “How to Spot a Hijackal: AKA a Chronically Difficult Person.”

As Shaler states, hijackals are indeed relentless. It’s up to you to do the changing because they won’t. Moreover, it’s prudent to consider whether you suffer from being too “kind, patient, considerate, compassionate, and nice. Perfect Hijackal Bait!”

In a related blog post, Shaler lists three reasons hijackers/hijackals never stop doing what they do:

  1. Hijackals need to be in charge.
  2. Hijackals need to keep you in uncertainty.
  3. Hijackals always find fault with you.

And the following are seven traits of the hijackal (YourTango):

  1. They dominate conversations and always want to be the focus of attention.
  2. They use your innermost fears, thoughts and feelings against you.
  3. They pretend to care how you feel, then turn the blame on you.
  4. They put their own interests, needs, wants, and wishes before yours.
  5. They take everything to the extreme to win.
  6. They change their mind, feelings, and focus quickly … and conveniently.
  7. They HAVE to win … in every situation.

Sound like anyone you know? Think bigly if you will. Think closer to your own relationship if it fits.

Shaler has written many books that could be of help. The two most pertinent to this topic are Escaping the Hijackal Trap: The Truth About Hijackals and Why They are Crazy-Making and The Hijackal Trap – Loving Someone Who SHOVES You Away Yet DEMANDS That You Stay – Passive-Aggressive Edition.

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