is Mark Wolynn‘s recently released followup to his 2016 book (It Didn’t Start with You) on inherited family trauma.
Although this type of trauma had been seen before in literature and film, Wolynn, Director of The Family Constellation Institute in San Francisco, was possibly the first to tackle this theme in nonfiction. Both the original book and his new workbook feature various guided experiences that teach his Core Language Approach, a method devised to help you understand the effects of your background.
Inherited family trauma as defined by Wolynn in It Didn’t Start with You: “Just as we inherit our eye color and blood type, we also inherit the residue from traumatic events that have taken place in our family. While our physical traits are easily discernible, this emotional legacy is often hidden from us. Anxiety, fear, financial worries, depression, illness and unhappy relationships can all be forms of our unconscious inheritance. Unresolved traumas, some going back two or three generations, can ensnare us in feelings and situations that don’t even belong to us. They can forge a blueprint for our life, and can even pass onto our children. It doesn’t have to continue. Inherited family trauma can end here.”
Wolynn quotes Thich Nhat Hanh: “If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people.”
From It Didn’t Start with You (the original, not the workbook), the following is an example of his approach: “Written Exercise #1: Investigating Your Core Complaint. Focus on a problem that’s most pressing in your life right now. It might be an issue with your health, your job, your relationship—any issue that disrupts your sense of safety, peace, security, or well-being. What is the deepest issue you want to heal? Maybe it’s a problem that feels overwhelming to you. Maybe it’s a symptom or a feeling you’ve had all your life. What do you want to see shift? Don’t edit yourself. Write down what feels important to you. Write it down as it comes to you. For example, you may carry a fear of something terrible happening to you in the future. It doesn’t matter what comes out; just keep writing. If nothing comes, answer this one question: If the feeling or symptom or condition you have never goes away, what would you be afraid could happen to you? Don’t continue reading until you’ve written down your most pressing concern.”
Selected Quotes from It Didn’t Start With You (2016)
Remaining silent about family pain is rarely an effective strategy for healing it. The suffering will surface again at a later time, often expressing in the fears or symptoms of a later generation.
Unconsciously, we relive our mother’s anxiety. We repeat our father’s disappointments. We replicate the failed relationships of our parents or grandparents.
…(T)he traumas we inherit or experience firsthand can not only create a legacy of distress, but also forge a legacy of strength and resilience that can be felt for generations to come.
