We don’t talk much about the phenomenon of mattering, do we? As in, I matter; You matter. Now, two new books urge us to increase our appreciation of the word and concept.
I. The Mattering Instinct: How
“The longing to matter is the crux of human motivation.”
Philosopher Goldstein has long been interested in this topic. For example, it partly figured into her 1983 novel The Mind-Body Problem, in which she wrote of a “mattering map.”
“The Mattering Map,” she recently stated, “is composed of a multitude of regions, each of them premised on a different answer to the question of what matters in making a life that matters. The Mattering Map is where we amuse, bemuse, and sometimes absolutely appall one another by our life choices in responding to the mattering instinct” (TheNextBigIdeaClub).
The “mattering instinct,” per Publishers Weekly, is “a desire to be deserving of attention, that arises in childhood and matures into a habit of organizing one’s life around ‘mattering projects’ that encapsulate one’s ‘reason to live’.”
Four mattering strategies play out:
- Transcenders: religious or spiritual
- Socializers: into human connections
- Heroic Strivers: value standards of excellence (intellectual, artistic, athletic, or ethical)
- Competitors: ventures are seen as a zero-sum phenomenon
In her book are various stories about individuals who represent these strategies. “These portraits illuminate how our instinct for significance shapes identity, relationships, culture, and conflict―and they point the way to a future where we all might see that there is, fundamentally, enough mattering to go around,” states the publisher.
II. by Jennifer Breheny Wallace (2026)
Loneliness, anxiety, burnout: all have been increasing, says journalist Wallace, at least in part due to “a society that has forgotten how to make people feel valued.”
Wallace refers to our “mattering core,” which involves “recognizing your impact, being relied on (but not too much), feeling prioritized, and being truly known and invested in. Strengthening this core helps us reconnect to our sense of purpose, deepen our relationships, and navigate life’s uncertainties and challenges with greater resilience” (publisher blurb).
Selected quotes by Wallace from a recent interview (Greater Good):
When people don’t feel like they matter, when they don’t feel valued or know how they add value, they can turn against themselves: become anxious, depressed, turn to substances to try to alleviate the pain, or lash out in anger. We’re seeing that, I think, in a lot of the political discourse today, road rage, and people who go online and attack people.
When I don’t ask for help, not only do I deny myself the support I need and deserve, I also deny my friend the chance of being a helper, of knowing I rely on her for her wisdom, letting her know how much she matters to me, how valued she is and how much value she adds. So, instead of thinking about asking for help as a sign of weakness, look at it as a sign of strength. It is an act of generosity to give that sense of mattering to someone else.
There’s a great Jesuit motto: Not better than others, but better for others…I like to feel like I’m making an impact, but it’s not just for me. It is because I want to impact the world around me.
Check out her website for info regarding such initiatives as The Mattering Institute and The Mattering Movement.
