Psychiatrist Jokes: Have You Heard These Before?

Whereas yesterday’s post featured a visual caricature of a psychiatrist (on The Big Bang Theory), today’s takes a look at psychiatrist jokes. Why are therapist jokes more often about psychiatrists than other kinds of mental health providers? Is it because there are more stereotypes about psychiatrists than psychologists, social workers, mental health counselors, psychiatric nurses, etc.?

Quick—what do you picture when you think about these possible openings to jokes: “A psychiatrist walks into a bar…” or “One psychiatrist says to another…”

Did you think male, older, bearded, white, rich, stuffy…? Any or all of the above? Any others?

So many stereotypes, so many stereotypical shrinks to knock down a notch or two or three.

Whatever the case, read the jokes below—all found on the Web—and, if it fits for you, feel free to substitute any other type of shrink your heart desires.


I. Two psychiatrists pass in the hall. The first says, “Hello.” 

The other thinks, “I wonder what he meant by that.”

II. Two psychiatrists meet on the street. One says to the other, “You know, I thought I’d been completely analyzed, but yesterday I experienced the most remarkable Freudian Slip.”
The friend nods and waits to hear more…
The first psychiatrist continues, “I was having dinner with my mother, and I meant to say, ‘Please pass the butter’, but instead I said, ‘You miserable bitch, you’ve ruined my life!!!'”

III. A patient is seeing his psychiatrist for the first time and is undergoing the Rorschach test. After each ink blot the patient exclaims that it is a couple copulating. The psychatrist stops the test and observes, “You appear to have a preoccupation with sex.” And the patient replies, “You’re the one showing the dirty pictures.”

IV. A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave and walked out together. One said to the other three, “People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems.” The others agreed.

Then one said, “Since we are all professionals, why don’t we take some time right now to hear each other out?” The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, “I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients.”

The second psychiatrist said, “I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want.”

The third followed with, “I’m involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me.”

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, “I know I’m not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep a secret…”

V. I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet. (attributed to comic Rodney Dangerfield)

VI. Patient: “Doctor, doctor, nobody understands me.”

Psychiatrist: “What do you mean by that?”

VII. What do Psychiatrists say to each other when they meet?”

“You’re fine, how am I? “

VIII. Patient: Doctor, I get the feeling that people don’t give a hoot about anything I say.

Psychiatrist: So?

1 visit(s) today

One thought on “Psychiatrist Jokes: Have You Heard These Before?

  1. What did the psychiatrist say to the man that walked into the office wearing nothing but saran wrap?

    “I can clearly see you’re nuts!”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *