Therapy Quotes (Humor)

The following therapy quotes find the humor in what clients and therapists experience.

My therapist says our sessions are a safe space, a judgement-free zone, but I think she only told me that to see how I’d react. Avery Edison

My therapist gets so upset when she walks into her waiting room and finds me treating her other clients. Jenny Mollen

Do you ever feel like your therapist is the priest from the Exorcist who catches your demons and then jumps out a window? Trevor S

Dear creators of every new fall sitcom: I am sorry your parents were so noisy and shitty, but can’t you punish a therapist instead? Dave Holmes

I go to therapy just so someone will talk to me without looking at their phone. Patrick Walsh

Next time I try therapy I’ll bring up how I’ve never been more than once since my need to please makes me feign recovery after 1 session. Erin Whitehead

Can anyone recommend a bad therapist? (I need a good scapegoat). Josh Comers

˝Gonna talk about you in therapy today˝ -21st century romance. Jake Weisman

Therapists are the atheist’s confessional. So long as you tell your therapist about it, you can keep doing it with a guilt-free conscience. Erin Whitehead

Therapy hasn’t really made me feel any better, it just made me understand why I feel bad. Corey Pandolph

i go to therapy to deal with people who don’t go to therapy. Lauren Ashley Bishop

I like to call therapy baggage claim. Aparna Nancherla

my therapist gave me homework to do before our next session so now I can never go back to therapy maura quint

Among other therapy quotes I’ve found is this one from Laura Munsons memoir, This Is Not the Story You Think It Is…:A Season of Unlikely Happiness:

Probably the wisest words that were ever uttered to me came from a therapist. I was sitting in her office, crying my eyes out. . . and she said, “So let me get this straight. You base your personal happiness on things entirely out of your control.”

Also, from Sofiya Alexandra‘s Tumblr:

“Ten Things My Therapist Says That Make Me Angry,” Sofiya Alexandra

  1. “Exercise does wonders for depression!”
  2. “You’re of course aware that alcohol is a depressant?”
  3. “Maybe we should consider medication.”
  4. “It seems like your boyfriend had a point.”
  5. “Maybe we shouldn’t consider medication and just stick to exercise.”
  6. “It’s warm in here, isn’t it, I’m going to turn up the air.”
  7. “You’re of course aware that marijuana can be a depressant?”
  8. “You seem angry.”
  9. “This is going to require a lot of patience and hard work.”
  10. “I no longer take Blue Shield.”
6 visit(s) today

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