Svend Brinkmann, PhD, is a Danish philosopher and psychologist who believes, according to the publisher of his new book Stand Firm: Resisting the Self-Improvement Craze Stand Firm, that “(t)he secret to a happier life lies not in finding your inner self but in coming to terms with yourself in order to coexist peacefully with others.”
A Psychology Today post by Brinkmann spells out his main recommendations. Click on the link for more specifics:
- “Cut out the navel-gazing: The more you gaze lovingly at your navel, the worse you will feel. Doctors call it the health paradox…”
- “Focus on the negative in your life: We have been told to be positive for decades, but it doesn’t help…”
- “Put on your No hat: Saying ‘I don’t want to do that’ conveys strength and integrity…”
- “Suppress your feelings…Adults should choose dignity over authenticity.”
- “Sack your coach: Coaching and therapy have become ubiquitous development tools in our accelerating culture…”
- “Read a novel – not a self-help book…”
- “Dwell on the past: If you think things are bad now, just remember that they can always get worse. And probably will…”
Although I support most of the above, I’m putting on my No hat to the idea of sacking your therapist—unless, of course, he or she isn’t helping you.
A sampling of Stand Firm quotes, the first of which are courtesy of the book review by Olivia Goldhill (Quartz):
I believe our thoughts and emotions should mirror the world. When something bad happens, we should be allowed to have negative thoughts and feelings about it because that’s how we understand the world.
Life is wonderful from time to time, but it’s also tragic. People die in our lives, we lose them, if we have only been accustomed to being allowed to have positive thoughts, then these realities can strike us even more intensely when they happen—and they will happen.
And the following are additional quotes:
If others can’t be sure I will be the same tomorrow as I am today and was yesterday, then they have no reason to trust me or that I will do what I promise and otherwise live up to my obligations. And if I don’t know my own past, if I don’t try my best to establish a link between yesterday, today and tomorrow, then others have no reason to trust me. If I don’t have what [French philosopher Paul] Ricoeur calls “self-constancy,” then neither I nor others will be able to count on me.
Very few will say out loud that their illness has been awful from start to finish and that they would rather not have had to go through it. A typical book title might be How I Survived Stress — And What It Taught Me, but you’re unlikely to find a book called I’m Still Stressed — It’s an Unending Nightmare. Not only do we suffer stress or illness and eventually die, we’re also supposed to think it’s all so enlightening and rewarding.