Mar 02

Toxic People “Idealize, Devalue, Discard”

And despite some differences between each disorder, the bottom line is that their relationship cycles can be predicted like clockwork: Idealize, Devalue, Discard. Jackson MacKenzie, Psychopath Free (Expanded Edition): Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People

Author Jackson MacKenzie‘s expanded edition of Psychopath Free was published in 2015. He wants you to know that if you’re willing to take a look at how and why you’ve been intimately connected with either narcissists or sociopaths or other toxic people, there’s hope. He’s, in fact, survived it himself.

From an excerpt on the book’s Amazon page, the following are “30 Red Flags” to help you recognize whether you’ve been overly involved with toxic people. Click on the link for detailed explanations.

• Gaslighting and crazy-making.
• Cannot put themselves in your shoes, or anyone else’s, for that matter.
• The ultimate hypocrite. 
• Pathological lying and excuses.
• Focuses on your mistakes and ignores their own.
• You find yourself explaining the basic elements of human respect to a full-grown man or woman.
• Selfishness and a crippling thirst for attention.
• Accuses you of feeling emotions that they are intentionally provoking.
• You find yourself playing detective.
• You are the only one who sees their true colors.
• You fear that any fight could be your last.
• Slowly and steadily erodes your boundaries.
• They withhold attention and undermine your self-esteem.
• They expect you to read their mind.
• You feel on edge around this person, but you still want them to like you.
• An unusual number of “crazy” people in their past.
• Provokes jealousy and rivalries while maintaining their cover of innocence.
• Idealization, love-bombing, and flattery.
• Compares you to everyone else in their life.
• The qualities they once claimed to admire about you suddenly become glaring faults.
• Cracks in their mask.
• Easily bored.
• Triangulation.
• Covert abuse.
• Pity plays and sympathy stories.
• The mean and sweet cycle.
• This person becomes your entire life. 
• Arrogance.
• Backstabbing gossip that changes on a whim.
• Your feelings (are becoming increasingly uncomfortable)

Pertinent Quotes from Psychopath Free:

Everyone messes up every now and then, but psychopaths recite excuses more often than they actually follow through with promises. Their actions never match up with their words. You are disappointed so frequently that you feel relieved when they do something decent—they condition you to become grateful for the mediocre.

No matter how much they screw up, they will always pass off their pathetic behavior as comedy—a mask to minimize their failures.

In normal relationships, flaws are flaws and strengths are strengths. In a psychopathic relationship, their strengths are fake and your flaws are manufactured.

Like sandpaper, the psychopath will wear away at your self-esteem through a calculated mean-and-sweet cycle. Slowly, your standards will fall so low that you become grateful for the utterly mediocre. Like a frog in boiling water, you won’t even realize what happened until it’s far too late. Your friends and family will wonder what happened to the man or woman who used to be so strong & energetic.

Unlike any other mental disorder, psychopaths are keenly aware of the impact that their behavior has on others. That’s half the fun for them—watching you suffer. They pick up on insecurities and vulnerabilities in a heartbeat, and then make the conscious choice to exploit those qualities. They know right from wrong, and simply choose to steamroll straight through it.