Jan 09

“Promise Land”: Jessica Lamb-Shapiro’s View of Self-Help

 I think it really serves a purpose in the culture. That said, I don’t really think it works most of the time. You know, that’s kind of the fate of being an American is that you’re never satisfied. It becomes this never-ending pursuit of improvement. There never really seems to be a point where people [think], You know what, I’m done. I’m good. Author of Promise Land Laura Lamb-Shapiro, The Cut

The “it” in question? Self-help.

Promise Land: My Journey Through America’s Self-Help Culture, by Laura Lamb-Shapirocame out this week. From the book description:

Raised by a child psychologist who is the author of numerous self-help books, Lamb-Shapiro found herself at once repelled and fascinated by the industry to which her father had contributed so much. Did all of these books, tapes, and weekend seminars really help anyone? Why do some people swear by the power of positive thinking while others dismiss it as hokum? In the name of research, she attempted to cure herself of phobias, followed ‘The Rules’ to meet and date men, walked on hot coals, and even attended a self-help seminar for writers of self-help books.

Laura MillerSalon, calls Promise Land “Lamb-Shapiro’s deadpan, eyebrow-arched effort to comprehend the glass-half-full point of view despite her own half-empty propensities.”

Included in the book are analyses of such self-help-culture traits as being taught to follow a one-size-all type formula, following “law of attraction” theories that don’t really reveal how they’re supposed to work, and the all-too-common usage of a lot of psychobabble and buzzwords.

Lamb-Shapiro writes in Chapter One about not knowing how her quest to study self-help would turn out. “I wasn’t sure how this antagonistic plot was going to end, though it seemed there were limited options: one of us (me or self-help) was going to be revealed as the asshole, and for the sake of a happy ending I was rooting for self-help.”

Ultimately she does actually discover some value in certain self-help teachings. As she relates to Alexandra Primiani, Publishers Weekly, “Self-help is a reflection of our aspirations, our fears, and our values…On an individual level, I think it can offer comfort in difficult times. The trick is to strike a balance between relying on yourself and relying on others, so that you don’t disappear into a solipsistic black hole.”

What books in the self-help genre does she actually like? It’s clear she’s into the classics, including Ben Franklin‘s autobiography and the works of Ralph Waldo Emerson and William James.

The deeper Lamb-Shapiro went into her research, by the way, the more her own inner and unresolved stuff needed to be addressed, i.e., the loss of her mother very early in childhood. Readers discover later in the book that it was from suicide.

Selected Book Reviews

A.J. Jacobs, author: “Here are two important self-help rules. Buy this book. Read this book. You’ll feel better about yourself and the world. Promise Land is funny but not sneering. It’s poignant but not maudlin. It’s smart but not pretentious. This is gazpacho for the soul, which I much prefer to chicken soup.”

Publishers Weekly: “A sincere and hilarious picture of the personalities and ideas found in this field of self-promotion and discovery…Lamb-Shapiro’s journey through self-help culture fascinates and entertains, and as much as it also serves as a quasi-memoir, it excels.”

Daniel Smith, author: “Promise Land is not only a raucous, engaging account of all the hope, despair, faith, fear, falsity, and truth that comprises America’s centuries-old obsession with self-improvement. It is also a deeply felt personal story about family, secrecy, and grief. Read it and you might just find yourself improved.”

Oct 23

Individuality Quotes: The Importance of Being Yourself

Individuality: the quality that makes one person or thing different from all others (Merriam-Webster)

Although it’s widely accepted that individuality is an important aspect of being human, how do we cultivate this after starting out in life dependent on and undifferentiated from our parents? Somehow separation and the process of individuation gradually needs to occur.

Some Quotes Reinforcing the Need for Individuality

Ralph Waldo Emerson: “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Bernard M. Baruch: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

Oscar Wilde: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

Rita Mae Brown: “I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.”

Brian Tracy: “Never complain, never explain. Resist the temptation to defend yourself or make excuses.”

Lao Tzu: “Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”

Friedrich Nietzsche: “The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”

Rita Mae Brown: “About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won’t like you at all.”

Leo Buscaglia: “We need not be afraid to touch, to feel, to show emotion. The easiest thing in the world is to be what you are, what you feel. The hardest thing to be is what other people want you to be.”

Joseph Campbell: “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”

Ethel Barrett: “We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail.”

Lao Tzu: “When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”

Eleanor Roosevelt: “Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway.”

Steve Jobs: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”