Five important books about the topics of dying, living well before dying, and living well while dying.
When humanitarian Mary Anne Schwalbe was living with terminal cancer, her son Will came up with an unusual idea for an activity for them, which is chronicled in this memoir.
From the publisher’s blurb: “As painful as it is to lose a loved one, Exit Laughing shows us that in times of grief, humor can help us with coping and even healing.”
In this collection, various authors tell true stories about dying and loss. For example: “…Amy Ferris explains how her mother’s dementia led to a permanent ban from an airline…Bonnie Garvin even manages to find a heavy dose of dark humor in her parents’ three unsuccessful attempts at a double suicide.”
Ehrenreich addresses our often futile attempts to prolong life via food, exercise, health, and various medical crazes and procedures.
San Francisco Review of Books: “That doctors have begun having themselves tattooed with ‘DNR’ (Do Not Resuscitate) is a clue how extending life a few days or weeks in intensive care is of little benefit.”
The quest to prolong life usually becomes particularly amped up as we age. Results vary and are iffy. Publishers Weekly:
Ehrenreich’s core philosophy holds that aging people have the right to determine their quality of life and may choose to forgo painful and generally ineffective treatments. She presents evidence that such tests as annual physicals and Pap smears have little effect in prolonging life; investigates wellness trends, including mindfulness meditation; and questions the doctrine of a harmonious ‘mindbody’ and its supposed natural tendency to prolong life. Contra the latter, she demonstrates persuasively that the body itself can play a role in nurturing cancer and advancing aging.
The Art of Dying Well follows Butler’s previous Knocking on Heaven’s Door: The Path to a Better Way of Death.
In a piece Butler adapted from Knocking on Heaven’s Door (“The Ultimate End-of-Life Plan“), the author states:
Why don’t we die the way we say we want to die? In part because we say we want good deaths but act as if we won’t die at all. In part because advanced lifesaving technologies have erased the once-bright line between saving a life and prolonging a dying. In part because saying ‘Just shoot me’ is not a plan. Above all, we’ve forgotten what our ancestors knew: that preparing for a ‘good death’ is not a quickie process to save for the panicked ambulance ride to the emergency room. The decisions we make and refuse to make long before we die help determine our pathway to the final reckoning.
The author of The Unwinding of the Miracle, the most personal of these books about dying, died at the age of 42 from advanced colon cancer. (You can read the obituary her husband Josh wrote about Yip-Williams’s incredible life here.)
Kirkus Reviews“: “Along the way, the author considers a fundamental question: Is it more courageous to keep struggling (trying new meds and procedures, seeing new specialists) or to surrender to the inevitable? Eventually, she realizes, she will have to do the latter, and she enters hospice care.”