“The Meddler”: Mom, Grief, Boundaries, Therapy

…(I)n its heart, it’s a story about the lived experience of grief. Marnie is still dealing with the death of her husband, and Lori with her father. Matt Zoller Seitz, rogerebert.com, regarding The Meddler

A recommended alternative to the widely panned Mother’s Day this weekend is writer-director Lorene Scarfaria‘s semi-autobiographical The Meddler, which has “a diminutive and misleading title for such an affecting, often profound film,” states reviewer Matt Zoller Seitz, rogerebert.com. His intro:

Susan Sarandon plays the title character, Marnie Minervini, a sixty-something mom who moves from New York to Los Angeles to be closer to her screenwriter daughter Lori (Rose Byrne), who just broke up with her actor boyfriend (Jason Ritter). Marnie is one of those mothers who calls her daughter five times in the space of a couple of hours, leaving a message each time Lori doesn’t pick up, then leaves ten more messages throughout the day because she’s worried about not having heard back from her yet. Her daughter can’t take her relentlessness, so Marnie channels her energy into mothering strangers and near-strangers…

The trailer:

The Role of Therapy in The Meddler

Peter Debruge, Variety: “To the extent that the film is therapeutic, Scafaria clearly wrote it as a way to process her and [mom] Gail’s wildly different approaches to processing [dad] Joseph’s passing — going so far as to involve actual therapy sessions, in which Mom decides to see the same shrink in hopes of hearing what Lori won’t share with her directly.”

How this happens in the film is that Lori has set out to establish some needed guidelines with her mom. Bob Mondello, NPR: “‘I’ve been talking to my therapist,’ she begins, and you see Marnie’s eyes moisten before she even gets to the ‘boundaries’ part. Then mom’s out the door, and straight to the therapist. The therapist they share — so much for boundaries.”

Manohla Dargis, New York Times: “Marnie has started to see the therapist (Amy Landecker in a quick, deadpan turn) at Lori’s urging, though mostly she seems to go as a way to insinuate herself even more deeply into her daughter’s life. It’s no wonder that Marnie seems like a smother-mother who’s one 911 call away from a restraining order; no wonder too that she seems lonely.”

Marnie doesn’t stick with the shrink, though. David Noh, Film Journal: “When the therapist…tells Marnie that all this endless do-gooding may be some form of overcompensating and guilt over the money her husband left her, she kicks her to the curb. Meanwhile, she has herself been perilously navigating the shoals of senior dating with two age-suitable guys keenly after her (J.K. Simmons and Michael McKean).”

Ella Taylor, NPR: “The great thing about The Meddler is that it doesn’t force Marnie to change all that much. She comes to see that she needs to take care of herself as well as others. Likewise, Lori comes to accept the gift that’s been in front of her nose all along, and to accept that what’s most annoying (to her, if not to her friends) about her mother is also what’s finest about her.”

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