Category Archives: Therapists

May 30

Therapy Quotes (Humor)

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The following therapy quotes find the humor in what clients and therapists experience.

My therapist says our sessions are a safe space, a judgement-free zone, but I think she only told me that to see how I’d react. Avery Edison

My therapist gets so upset when she walks into her waiting room and finds me treating her other clients. Jenny Mollen

Do you ever feel like your therapist is the priest from the Exorcist who catches your demons and then jumps out a window? Trevor S

Dear creators of every new fall sitcom: I am sorry your parents were so noisy and shitty, but can’t you punish a therapist instead? Dave Holmes

I go to therapy just so someone will talk to me without looking at their phone. Patrick Walsh

Next time I try therapy I’ll bring up how I’ve never been more than once since my need to please makes me feign recovery after 1 session. Erin Whitehead

Can anyone recommend a bad therapist? (I need a good scapegoat). Josh Comers

˝Gonna talk about you in therapy today˝ -21st century romance. Jake Weisman

Therapists are the atheist’s confessional. So long as you tell your therapist about it, you can keep doing it with a guilt-free conscience. Erin Whitehead

Therapy hasn’t really made me feel any better, it just made me understand why I feel bad. Corey Pandolph

i go to therapy to deal with people who don’t go to therapy. Lauren Ashley Bishop

I like to call therapy baggage claim. Aparna Nancherla

my therapist gave me homework to do before our next session so now I can never go back to therapy maura quint

Among other therapy quotes I’ve found is this one from Laura Munson‘s memoir, This Is Not the Story You Think It Is…:A Season of Unlikely Happiness:

Probably the wisest words that were ever uttered to me came from a therapist. I was sitting in her office, crying my eyes out. . . and she said, “So let me get this straight. You base your personal happiness on things entirely out of your control.”

Also, from Sofiya Alexandra‘s Tumblr:

“Ten Things My Therapist Says That Make Me Angry,” Sofiya Alexandra

  1. “Exercise does wonders for depression!”
  2. “You’re of course aware that alcohol is a depressant?”
  3. “Maybe we should consider medication.”
  4. “It seems like your boyfriend had a point.”
  5. “Maybe we shouldn’t consider medication and just stick to exercise.”
  6. “It’s warm in here, isn’t it, I’m going to turn up the air.”
  7. “You’re of course aware that marijuana can be a depressant?”
  8. “You seem angry.”
  9. “This is going to require a lot of patience and hard work.”
  10. “I no longer take Blue Shield.”
Feb 07

“Shrinking” Series: Dysfunctional Radical Honesty

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The Apple TV comedy Shrinking boasts a lot of big names in its cast, including Harrison Ford, Jason Segel, and Jessica Williams, all of whom play therapists. The series shares some of its creators with Ted Lasso. It has a big heart and a lot of jokes, even if you absolutely, definitely would not want your therapist to take any cues from it. NPR regarding Shrinking

The new series Shrinking as described on IMDB: “A grieving therapist starts to tell his clients exactly what he thinks. Ignoring his training and ethics, he finds himself making huge changes to people’s lives — including his own.”

Kristen Baldwin, ew.com, calls this series “a funny, brainy grief-com about the power — and dangers — of radical honesty.” (See “Radical Honesty“).

In a nutshell, Jason Segel plays therapist and single parent Jimmy, whose wife died a year ago. He’s now a mess.

During the day, a fried and hungover Jimmy heads to work at the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Center, where he struggles to stay engaged as his regular patients recite their regular complaints. Exhausted and pushed to the limits of decorum by a woman (SNL‘s Heidi Gardner) who’s forever making excuses for her emotionally abusive husband, Jimmy erupts. ‘Just f—ing leave him!’ To his surprise, it works. Despite warnings from his methodical boss Paul (Harrison Ford) and newly divorced colleague Gabby (Jessica Williams), Jimmy decides to continue his ‘psychological vigilante’ approach with his newest patient, Sean (Luke Tennie), a military vet who keeps getting into violent altercations with strangers.

But Linda Holmes, NPR, believes the hyped radical honesty isn’t actually a large part of the series. Larger is “that on top of his own struggles, he has to listen to everybody else’s — one of the themes of the show is that even your therapist has stuff.”

It’s Paul’s opinion, in fact, that Jimmy has compassion fatigue; however, this doesn’t excuse his behavior. (See this previous post about a therapist in therapy and this one on impaired therapists.)

Robert Lloyd, Los Angeles Times: “If he were a responsible [therapist] he’d have taken a sabbatical and sent his clients elsewhere, because if this is how he’s doing after a year, one wonders how he was getting on at three or six or nine months…”

So, what do other reviewers think about how it all goes down in Shrinking?

Nate Richard, Collider: “Shrinking is a series that never laughs at its characters’ misfortunes or faults; it’s not a mean-spirited show by any definition, but it is sincere. Mental health hasn’t always been portrayed in the best way across the media landscape, and despite it becoming much more accepted in today’s climate, there are certain areas that are still two large steps behind in accurately portraying it in a meaningful way. Shrinking, to its benefit, seems like a major step forward…”

But Nick Schager, The Daily Beast, isn’t having it. Jimmy is “a jerk, an idiot, and a lousy doctor all at once, and the show’s attempt to make that cute and okay—because, you see, it’s a byproduct of the inner pain he can’t face—is its prime, if far from only, failing.”

Back to Linda Holmes (NPR), who remarks, on the other hand, that in addition to its great ensemble cast (which also includes Michael Urie, Christa Miller, and Ted McGinley, to name a few), the series “is a bright spot in a very crowded landscape that isn’t always this good at taking pain and decency — and comedy — and giving them all room to breathe.”

I will probably pass, by the way. Why? I’m just generally tired of bad therapy boundaries and ethics on TV and in movies. But if you have decided to watch it, please feel free to let me know what you think! I can be open!

Nov 11

Sexual Abuse of Boys and Men: Recovery

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1in6, an organization whose mission is “to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences live healthier, happier lives,” lists on their site eight facts that counter common myths about the sexual abuse of boys and men:

  • Boys and men can be sexually used or abused, and it has nothing to do with how masculine they are.
  • If a boy liked the attention he was getting, or got sexually aroused during abuse, or even sometimes wanted the attention or sexual contact, this does not mean he wanted or liked being manipulated or abused, or that any part of what happened, in any way, was his responsibility or fault.
  • Sexual abuse harms boys and girls in ways that are similar and different, but equally harmful.
  • Boys can be sexually abused by both straight men and gay men. It’s about taking advantage of a child’s vulnerability, not the sexual orientation of the abusive person.
  • Whether he is gay, straight or bisexual, a boy’s sexual orientation is neither the cause or the result of sexual abuse.
  • Girls and women can sexually abuse boys.
  • Most boys who are sexually abused will not go on to sexually abuse others.
  • Not understanding these facts is understandable, but harmful, and needs to be overcome.

The following pertinent quotes are from therapists/writers who are experts on the effects of the sexual abuse of boys and men.

Jim Hopper, PhD:

Many men fear their masculinity has been robbed or destroyed, that they’ll be exposed as a ‘fake’ – even if no one has a clue about what happened or thinks twice about their masculinity.

...(L)earning to experience and express vulnerable emotions (at times and places of your own choosing), means becoming more masculine in many positive ways. 

         Richard Gartner, PhD, Psychology Today (author of Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life           After Boyhood Sexual Abuse):

Boys who grow up without coming to terms with their childhood abuse often struggle as men with addictions, anxiety, depression, and thoughts of suicide as well as the inability to develop or maintain relationships.

Confusing affection with abuse, desire with tenderness, sexually abused boys often become men who have difficulty distinguishing among sex, love, nurturance, affection, and abuse. They may experience friendly interpersonal approaches as seductive and manipulative. On the other hand, they may not notice when exploitative demands are made on them – they’ve learned to see these as normal and acceptable.

        Mike Lew, M.Ed., Victims No Longer: Men Recovering from Incest and Other Sexual Child Abuse:

Another question I am frequently asked is, “What do you mean by recovery?” It has taken me a while to answer that one. I had been depending on other people’s definitions of recovery until I developed one that worked for me (just as you must come to one that makes sense for you.) Mine is simple. For me, it is about freedom.
Recovery is the freedom to make choices in your life that aren’t determined by the abuse.
The specific choices will be different for each of you; the freedom to choose is your birthright.  

Lists of various resources are available to male survivors at 1in6 as well as on the websites of Jim Hopper and Next Step Counseling (co-directed by therapists Mike Lew and Thom Harrigan), and Dr. Kelli Palfy (author of Men Too: Unspoken Truths About Male Sexual Abuse), among others.

Nov 09

“The Patient” Spoilers: Therapist Lessons?

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Sam, the killer, is the one seeking treatment, but by the time this drama is over, nearly everyone in this drama reflects upon past actions and decisions or dies trying. David Bianculli, NPR, regarding The Patient (Hulu series)

Don’t get any ideas, I jokingly told my client (patient) who had just raved about The Patient and was recommending it. If you’ve already seen the series, and I hope you have because this whole post is a load of spoilers, you’re aware that the premise involves a client (patient), Sam (Domhnall Gleeson), who kidnaps and imprisons his therapist, Alan (Steve Carell), hoping to be cured of serial killing.

Therapist Lessons Learned (Tongue in Cheek? You Decide)

  1. Never publish a book showing you’re an authority on therapy. Your supposed expertise could be your downfall when the next client comes a-knocking (you out).
  2. Never fire your clients for not doing the work. You might not be fired back—and your work just got a whole lot harder.
  3. Therapy provided under extreme duress does not work. Well, at least not for you.
  4. Sometimes involving a client’s loved one (or acquaintance) into his therapy backfires enormously. I mean, maybe you can handle certain people—your client’s cheating spouse, for instance—but his most recent blindfolded, hands-bound, kidnapping victim who’s now going to die because of you?
  5. Sometimes involving a client’s parent in therapy backfires enormously. Can you say Dysfunctional Enabler Who Doesn’t Want to Change?
  6. Helping your client gain insight isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I mean, when he then strangles his abuser to the point of near-death is it really such a great breakthrough?
  7. A therapy bond, once made, can be hard to break. Or kill.
  8. The ethic of confidentiality can actually be breached. You do NOT have to keep your victimization by a client confidential. That is, if you can actually find someone to tell.
  9. Dead (or otherwise gone) therapists can still be helpful. Imaginary sessions can often lead to deep insights—if not particularly long-lasting.
  10. Never lie to your client about his prognosis. If you pronounce that your uncured, still-murdering client has in fact made great progress so it’s time to end, you just might be forced to stay around forever.
  11. Never offer your honest appraisal of your client’s need to be locked up. He is not going to want that.
  12. Accept that you’re unlikely to ever know the positive therapeutic effects you’ve created for your patient’s post-treatment life. Huh, he’s actually listened to you. And now you’re dead.

On a more serious note: “Can Serial Killers Be Rehabilitated?”

Lori Kinsella, J.D., Psy.D., answers this question in a recent Psychology Today article (not connected to The Patient). Check it out. Her main points as expressed upfront:

Serial killers prioritize rewards in decision making. Consequences are of little or no value to serial killers.

Research suggests that brains and neuronal activity of people with psychopathy are different from those of typical people.

In the future, drugs may help rehabilitate psychopaths by controlling neurons in specific brain regions.

Nov 17

“The Shrink Next Door”: Wrong Therapist

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When it comes to finding the wrong therapist, there’s “wrong” as in not the best match, and then there’s “wrong” as in unethical and/or criminal behavior on the part of the shrink. It’s the latter that is the theme of the new fact-based Apple TV+ mini-series The Shrink Next Door starring Paul Rudd as Dr. Isaac (Ike) Herschkopf and Will Ferrell as Marty Markowitz, the client who had the misfortune in real life of choosing this psychiatrist. Despite the comedic talents of these stars, this is not really a comedy but a tragicomedy.

Another key character is Marty’s sister Phyllis (Kathryn Hahn), who’s apparently responsible for encouraging Marty to seek therapy but who then becomes estranged from Marty because of Dr. Ike’s control.

The Truth Behind The Shrink Next Door

Herschkopf, per Dave Itzkoff, New York Times, was ultimately “ordered in April to surrender his license to practice in New York after a committee convened by the State Health Department found him guilty of multiple professional violations” against not only Markowitz but others too.

How bad was it from Markowitz’s point of view? Kai Green, Parade, reports that he told the New York Post a couple years ago that he’d felt like he was in a cult. “He took over my life very quickly…It was one ethical violation after another.”

Markowitz had no reason to suspect Dr. Ike would be like this; he was well-known on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, counting Gwyneth Paltrow and Courtney Love as two of his clients. Paltrow even attended a party at Markowitz’s home, reportedly. The story came to light when Bloomberg columnist Joe Nocera moved to the Hamptons and was invited to a barbecue at the house next door by someone who he thought was the gardener. Meeting the host, ‘Dr. Ike,’ Nocera was invited back for another get-together, where the good doctor insisted on having a picture of Nocera to add to his pictures of celebrities like Brooke Shields and OJ Simpson. However, Nocera ultimately discovered that the man he thought was the gardener, Martin Markowitz, was the actual homeowner—even though Dr. Ike acted like he owned the place. And that’s just the beginning of the shocking truths Nocera ultimately came to learn about the ‘shrink next door.’

Nocera went on to do a podcast about this true story. Additional information about Markowitz’s case has been reported by Debra Nussbaum Cohen, Forward.com:

New York State’s Department of Health, in its decision, found 16 specifications of professional misconduct – from fraudulence to gross negligence and gross incompetence as well as exercising undue influence and moral unfitness. The decision was based on records and testimony from three of Herschkopf’s patients. Markowitz is ‘Patient A…’

Markowitz says that he is ‘much happier now’ than when he was under Herschkopf’s care. ‘It’s my 40-year ordeal. It was 29 years under his power and 11 years seeking justice. I finally got it.’ What matters most is that ‘I got justice. That’s what I wanted.’

The TV Series

Kristen Baldwin, ew.com, describes the essence of Dr. Ike’s destructive actions:

Using manipulation, mind games, and precision-guided guilt, Dr. Ike inveigles his way into his patient’s business affairs, and even his grand summer home in the Hamptons…At first, therapy seems to do Marty some good, as Dr. Ike encourages him to ‘grab the reins’ to his life and stop living in fear of conflict. But it’s all in service of a larger plan: Herschkopf operates like a one-man cult, slowly alienating Marty from Phyllis, his loyal employees, and anyone else who suggests that the shrink’s methods are suspect.

Dave Nemetz, tvline.com: “It’s almost like What About Bob? in reverse, with the therapist becoming attached to his patient like a parasite.” (See my previous posts about What About Bob? here and here.)

Watch the trailer below:

A second trailer reveals more about Marty and his sister’s rift: