Understandably, there are a myriad of questions therapy clients, whether early or later on, often ask of their therapists. In a similar category are statements by therapy clients that may indicate doubts or misgivings about how to proceed.
The following are those that come to mind pretty readily. Not that as a therapist (who’s now retired) I had a repertoire of stock responses, but I can at least provide here the type of answers I’ve given at some point and in some form or other—or wish that I had.
I really don’t know where to start. Where should I start?
Anywhere you want, really. But if you’re stuck, let’s start with the most pressing thing that got you here. And we’ll go from there.
What should I do about…(the topic at hand)?
Let’s review some options together, and you can decide what works best for you.
I mean, how bad/weird is that?! (i.e., that thing I just said about myself or someone or something else)…
Why do you say that? (Yes, sometimes it is appropriate to reverse the question so that the insight or the judgment comes from the client, not the therapist.)
Or, possibly….
It’s actually quite common to feel that way/do that thing. (Common vs. normal, as who really knows what that is?)
I really don’t like to complain…
Stating your complaints here in order to get some kind of resolution doesn’t make you a complainer, it makes you someone who wants to feel better about a thing. Like when you go to the doctor, for instance.
I really don’t like talking about myself…
On the other hand, you probably don’t often have someone’s undivided attention. You might learn to like it.
I don’t like talking about other people…
Talking about other people in therapy is actually talking about yourself. You’re processing what others bring out in you that’s difficult to feel or experience.
Sorry (for crying).
If you were given messages elsewhere that crying is not okay, you were misled. Crying is a release, an expression of emotional pain, a normal accompaniment to stating one’s sorrows—and I’m perfectly comfortable with any amount of it.
Sorry (for swearing).
(Fuck that.) (LOL). Express your thoughts and emotions whatever way works for you.
It’s weird to have to pay someone to be my friend.
Ethically, I can’t actually be a friend to my clients. That’s considered a dual relationship, which could present various potential problems for you down the line. The fee you pay is for my professional services.
This session went so fast!
Time does fly when you’ve been holding in a lot and finally feel free to let it all out.
